Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Holiday Caregivers

Being a caregiver to an elderly relative is both challenging and rewarding. This role can take a physical and mental toll on the person who has taken it on, adding to their many existing responsibilities of work and family life. This time of year can create additional stress for caregivers as one also attempts to plan for the holidays, entertain, shop etc. While we have written previous blogs on caregiving in our pages, for our last blog of 2015, I thought it might be helpful to share some thoughts on how to reduce one's stress as a caregiver during the holiday season.

Communicate - always an important aspect of caregiving and stress management, communicating with your loved ones and support network is critical. People cannot be expected to 'guess' what you need and what you are feeling. Often just sharing your concerns and thoughts will result in tremendous support for both you and the person you are caring for.

ASK FOR HELP - part of communicating is knowing when you need help and not being afraid to ask for it.

Share Responsibilities - when possible, delegate and share responsibilities that are weighing heavily on you. Caregiving is much easier when its a 'team effort'. There are often many people willing and able to help out - if you only let them know what you need.

Prioritize/Be Realistic - part of coping with significant responsibility is knowing what is important and necessary and recognizing what you can let go of. Sometimes this means changing the way you do things and other times it may mean letting others know your limitations. Taking on too much will only result in you feeling overwhelmed and sometimes in  physical or mental health issues. Instead of a happy holiday, you may indeed end up with quite an unhappy one. It is far better to do less and stay healthy, than do more and become unhealthy. In our world of unnecessary excess, simplifying your celebrations and just taking the time to relish the pleasures derived from sharing time with family & friends may be a wonderful change and the start of a new holiday tradition for you and your family.

Give yourself permission to feel - the holidays are often an emotional time for people, filled with memories of years gone by. As one's situation changes, and losses occur, you are bound to experience a wave of very normal emotions. It is completely okay to feel them and to share them with others.

Balance - the stress of caring for someone else can be diminished if you are able to ensure a balance in your life. do things for yourself every day: eat properly, exercise, sleep and take breaks when you need them. Don't neglect your own health - if you aren't feeling well, make the time to seek medical attention. Don't allow pressure from others or feelings of guilt to force you into doing something that you are not comfortable with. It is really okay to say 'no' if you can't or don't want to do something.

Whatever you do and however you do it, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all of our followers!


Thursday, 3 December 2015

Forget me not

Our regular followers will know that Alzheimer's is a subject I have written about several times and one that I have had some personal experience with as I had a grandmother whose decline from the disease, I witnessed first-hand. It's a sad disease on many fronts, but I think hardest for the family is seeing a person who they recognize but who bears no resemblance to the person they once knew. Harder still is the moment you realize that the person who has known you for your entire life, no longer recognizes you.

Almost daily, we read in the news about the 'silver tsunami' we will experience in the not too distant future and often, we read of predictions of the number of people who will succumb to dementia in the coming years. We can only hope that in rapid progress will be made in terms of treatment, maintenance and care of those who are unfortunate enough to develop a disease that robs them of their mind, spirit and the very essence of who they are. 

It is not often that I post other people's work but, I came across a poem the other day that reminded me of my grandmother and all of the other seniors and their families that I have known over the years shared similar stories. Given our followers and the forum that this blog is, I decided it would be something worth sharing with all of you. My thanks to Joann Snow Duncanson who so eloquently has been able to say what so many families feel.


Two Mothers Remembered
by Joann Snow Duncanson
I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
Two different people, yet with the same name.
Two separate women, diverse by design,
But I loved them both because they were mine.
The first was the Mother who carried me here,
Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.
She was the one whose features I bear,
Complete with the facial expressions I wear.
She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
Along with the examples in life that she set.
As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.
But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.
So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
A stranger who dressed in the clothes of my Mother.
Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
But now she was the child and I was her strength.
We’d come full circle, we women three,
My Mother the first, the second and me.
And if my own children should come to a day,
When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,
I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.