Couples who have been married for a long time find ways to
cope with the idea that death will leave one of them bereaved and alone at some
point. Some ignore the thought; others keep the grief and pain of such an event
at arm’s length, seeing it as something that’s too far off to concern them.
It’s a shock no matter when that day comes, regardless of how well prepared you
might be. The sense of loss is so large and profound that it can be difficult
to comprehend and appreciate. But as the magnitude of what’s happened sets in,
the feeling of grief becomes
overwhelming. And it can take a long time before a grieving senior is
able to come to grips with his or her loss. Some never quite get there.
Grief exacts an emotional and physical toll heavy enough to
undermine a senior’s well-being and frame of mind if left unaddressed. It can
produce a state of depression so deep that it affects the ability to carry out
the simplest everyday tasks, such as dressing,
eating, and bathing. It may feel as though there’s no point in carrying on with
a life suddenly bereft of meaning. Once you reach this point, friends and
family members play an important role in helping seniors work through their
grief and achieve a sense of wellness.
Finding support
Your
ability to resume your quality of life depends on how successfully you cope
with your loss. If a year has come and gone and grief hasn’t dissipated, it’s
time to seek the support of others, perhaps someone close to you or individuals
who can relate to what you’re experiencing. Social interaction occupies your
mind and prevents your loss from consuming you. There’s a therapeutic quality
to sharing thoughts and feelings with other people. Seek out a support group with people who
understand how difficult it is to get over the loneliness you’re feeling.
Sometimes, just talking things through can help you acquire a new perspective
that makes all the difference.
Day to day
Feeling lost and depressed makes it very hard to function
from day to day. A bereaved person may neglect their appearance, hygiene, and everyday responsibilities that used
to come easy. If you’re struggling, seek out a loved one who can help with
paying bills, shopping for groceries, and seeing that your house is cleaned. Or
you might want to hire someone who can take care of the essentials for a while.
If things continue to worsen, consult your doctor about your grief and the
problems it’s creating in your life.
Self-care
Grieving spouses often neglect their own health and
well-being. Given the way you’re feeling, it may seem pointless to get enough
sleep, eat healthy foods, and get exercise. But self-care is essential if
you’re to find the strength to work through your grief and emerge a stronger person.
Try to avoid eating alone. It can accentuate your loneliness, so seek out
people to eat out with or invite over for a meal that you prepare together.
It will give you something to do and someone to socialize with.
Losing a spouse to addiction
Grief can be complicated when you’ve lost a spouse to addiction. Feelings of anger
toward your departed partner, guilt for not being able to help, and a
deep-seated longing for the life you’ve known may hit all at once. Seek help so
that you’re equipped to cope with the doubt that leaves you wondering what more
you could have done.
Transition
The loss of a spouse produces a torrent of emotion and
conflicting thoughts. How well you deal with the sorrow, anger, depression,
guilt, and loneliness that follows has a lot to do with how successfully you
make the transition to a new life. Remember that taking care of yourself and
seeking help when you need it can give you the strength to carry on.
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Contributed by: Karen Weeks, ElderWellness.net
Karen created ElderWellness.net as a resource for seniors who wish to keep their minds, bodies, and spirits well.
